Hi. It’s been awhile. I promised I would no longer work on this blog as long as I was in a real relationship. With two failed relationships and no prospects in sight, I’m back. At this point, I’m just trying to find the funny.

I changed my online dating profile. My first two messages:
– You will be single for life.
– You need mental help.
I’m thinking this is accurate.

Here is my new profile:

Reasons you won’t like me:
– I have cats. Two cats.
– I refuse to jump out of an airplane, hang over a cliff or swim with sharks.
– Grammar is important. If you seen something or should have went somewhere, I will need to walk away.
– I’m anti-Trump, anti-religion and super anti-weed. This is stated for information, not debate.

Reasons I will pass on you:
– Your profile pic is a selfie taken in a mirror. Without a shirt. Or holding a fish.
– Your first message leads with you think I’m cute, pretty, sexy, etc. While flattering, I’d like to know you also read my profile. And I don’t look so good in the morning or when I’m sweaty.
– You live downtown, actually work in a remote country doing something like diamond trading and are a recent widow raising a child on your own and may, sometime soon, need a couple thousand dollars sent via Western Union.

I appreciate a good sense of humor, intelligence and intelligent humor.

I’m not in this for hook ups or endless first dates. I’m still hopeful that long-term love is out there.

With the exception of the one with the gray turtleneck, all of my pictures were taken within the last 6 months. It is from about 18 months ago because I was having a really good hair day.