This was what In encountered in my first 60 days of online dating:
Dale – Handsome millionaire who thought I was absolutely gorgeous. He was blind. (And married.)
Scotty – Cute Irish steelworker. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise* as he used the f-word in every f*&#ing sentence all night long. Somehow found myself picking up the tab for $50 dinner and $30 in drinks.
Tim – Cute, intelligent, well-spoken. Wanted to meet first on webcam (fully clothed) to give me an extensive list of ”rules and requirements, including hygienic guidelines” if I wanted to go out with him.
Dan – Single attorney with dimples who took me to lunch and said he wanted to be respectful and take it slow. So slow that before the next date he got back together with his wife.
Ty – Drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, charming, witty. Wanted me to call him “mommy’s good boy” then disappeared to the point that his phone was reported “stolen.”
Erik – Single, younger guy with the most charming southern accent. Turned out to be Southern Ohio bordering on W Virginia. I swear I heard him say “Get’er done”
Gino – Wow. Single Italian guy. Great photographer with studio and portfolio on Flickr. Family owns a deli, in which I spent $43 on overpriced ingredients for a fabulous Italian dinner to secretly scope him out.** Younger – probably mid- to late-30s. And your final answer is… 19 and wanted an older woman to “show him to ropes” since his 17-year-old girlfriend wouldn’t put out.
Jon – Single, 27, articulate. Looked like George Clooney. Had no car and lives with mother.
At which point, Stefanie asked “Where do you find these guys? Under rocks and bridges?”***
* If you know me, you know this is nearly impossible
** No, I don’t cook
*** Note to self, move on to caves and bus stations.