Partisan Dating

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I figured out how to get rid of a man. Cancel meeting him for dinner because you’re going to spend the evening contacting your government representatives and planning the next woman’s march.*

He wished me luck in all my future endeavors.

*In 20 years, I’m hoping this still makes sense. In case it doesn’t, this is in the wake of the Judge Kavanaugh hearing.

Yes, that really happened

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Catching up on some past date-a-drama. Gotta share this because it was so weird I’m still wondering if it really happened. On a first date with a dating site guy (first problem) who showed up drunk and immediately downed another very large beer (2nd problem) He struck up a conversation with a woman at the next table (with her husband). I’m not really sure how the next thing happened, but all of a sudden, the woman lifted up her shirt and flashed us (with no bra.)

This was on the patio of a fairly nice restaurant.

P.S. I fled as fast as I could, with the woman flashing me again over the patio rail as I ran to my car.

W. T. F.

A number of warnings

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POF detected that I was giving my phone number to a guy so he could text me. This popped up.

How caring of them.

Them I clicked “Safety Tips” to see what they had to say. Finally!!! Some real insightful advice:

And it goes on …

You’d think this would be common sense. Not so much.

So that’s how to spot a scammer. I thought I should offer some of my own useful tips I’ve learned from experience:

Hot to Spot a D-Bag

  • To make sure you know he’s cool, he tells you he will arrive in a red pick-up. With a gun rack and dually tires.
  • Asks if you’ve run a background check on him yet. Sighs with relief when you say no.
  • Cackles maniacly at the movie. During the slasher scenes.
  • Refuses to consume anything at the restaurant, including water. Because “you know it’s all tainted.” Then welcomes you to order what you would like.
  • Wants to meet during work hours, near where you live, and as far from his house/office as possible.
  • Asks in a hushed voice if you are “working for them.”

About face

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“You’re catalog shopping,” said my sister. “I don’t like having important things show up on my doorstep. I like to go to the store and see them in person before letting them into my house.”

I was talking to her about my recent almost-tongue-in-cheek profile update you can read about 3 posts down from this one.

My profile update was meant to be humorous, but also a clever way to weed out responses from men who had no sense of humor or intelligence, or did not read profiles before reaching out. I’ve gotten a record number of responses from three of the four dating sites on which it was posted. Most of them still consist of nothing more than a comment on my appearance. Half of those turn out to be a humorous response (although it’s not always apparent until I respond with “lol.”) A relatively good number of responses are witty, insightful, respectful of my “warnings.” In other words, I have proven that a lot of men, and probably women, don’t read profiles and reach out based on looks alone. The good news is, my experiment worked and I’ve connected with several quality men — more than in the past.

And so I’m doing a bit of an about face. As much as I love writing humor, I think it’s also important to also write more blatantly insightful things about the state of relationships in this e-dating world. From a self-serving standpoint, it will continues to help me cope with my own struggle. Stay tuned.

I’m baaaack

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Hi. It’s been awhile. I promised I would no longer work on this blog as long as I was in a real relationship. With two failed relationships and no prospects in sight, I’m back. At this point, I’m just trying to find the funny.

I changed my online dating profile. My first two messages:
– You will be single for life.
– You need mental help.
I’m thinking this is accurate.

Here is my new profile:

Reasons you won’t like me:
– I have cats. Two cats.
– I refuse to jump out of an airplane, hang over a cliff or swim with sharks.
– Grammar is important. If you seen something or should have went somewhere, I will need to walk away.
– I’m anti-Trump, anti-religion and super anti-weed. This is stated for information, not debate.

Reasons I will pass on you:
– Your profile pic is a selfie taken in a mirror. Without a shirt. Or holding a fish.
– Your first message leads with you think I’m cute, pretty, sexy, etc. While flattering, I’d like to know you also read my profile. And I don’t look so good in the morning or when I’m sweaty.
– You live downtown, actually work in a remote country doing something like diamond trading and are a recent widow raising a child on your own and may, sometime soon, need a couple thousand dollars sent via Western Union.

I appreciate a good sense of humor, intelligence and intelligent humor.

I’m not in this for hook ups or endless first dates. I’m still hopeful that long-term love is out there.

With the exception of the one with the gray turtleneck, all of my pictures were taken within the last 6 months. It is from about 18 months ago because I was having a really good hair day.

But Seriously

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I haven’t posted on this blog for a long time. And no it’s not because I’ve fallen into deep deep dispair because I got tired of beating my head against the brick wall that is online dating.

I met a guy. A decent guy. And I’ve had a relationship. I win!

Well, not so fast. I’m back here to post. One, because the relationship ended. And two, with the #MeToo movement, all dating has come under scrutiny. Some of the things I posted as humor could very well have turned out to be tragic. I’d like to think I was smart. I ended communication with the men who revealed themselves as “weird” early enough to not put myself in danger. 

This story has me rethinking everything.

I went on a date with Aziz Ansari and it turned into the worst night of my life.

Harvey Weinstein be damned. No literally, he needs to be damned. 

So back to me.

I’m back online. This time it seems to be going exponentially better. Maybe older men are less whackadoodle, or maybe I’ve learned to filter out whackadoodle and players better. But a couple weeks ago I met a guy. We had coffee. Our first “real date” is this Saturday.

He’s attractive. Employed. Divorced. No criminal history (yes I ran a check.) And he seems truly nice. And romantic. And dare I say, gentlemanly? I think after several years of date-a-palooza, I know what I’m doing. But here is the text I sent my BFF today:

Very sad.