Giving up the Ghost
It used to be called being rude. Now it’s called ghosting. You talk or text with someone online. Once or twice. You don’t hear from them again. Ok.
You go out more than once and he suddenly disappears. Not ok.
You have a year + relationship and he stops returning your calls and texts. Really really not ok.
The last thing I heard from him was “You are quite a catch…just so you know.”. I have it in writing. After that…crickets. It’s been two weeks. (I actually wrote this months ago, so now it’s been lots of weeks.) So instead of being a good catch, I’ve been dropped?
Is he sick?
Abducted by aliens?
It’s a quick one line text to end it and not leave someone hanging. Examples:
I just don’t think we’re a match. (Truth)
I got back together with my ex. (Could be truth. But not refutable.)
I’ve been really busy. (Really lame)
Yell at me, tell me I’m ugly or call me batshit crazy. But don’t ghost me. That’s just cruel.
BTW he’s not dead. Just an asshat.
I got a dog. It started as a joke. “I don’t need no man, I’m getting myself a dog.” That was in 2017. I did nothing and continued to have dates from hell.
Then I met a nice guy. Ha! And then, I saw my neighbor’s puppies and just HAD TO have the golden one. So my first statement was a self fulfilling prophecy. A week later at dinner, Mr. Wonderful (actually Professor Wonderful since I’d raised my education standards) seemed a bit distracted. He barely commented when I told him I was looking for a condo down the street by the park where we walk.
We went back to my place to watch a movie. Yada yada yada… And the puppy peed on him. (I told him not to rough house with her.) As his pants were spinning in the dryer, I tried to make light of it.
“At least the mystery is solved about boxers or briefs” was met with a half smile.
The movie ended, he put his pants on, kissed me on the cheek and went home. I felt bad about the pants, but that’s what puppies do. Oh well.
Oh no. Just no. The next day, I got a text that Professor Wonderful didn’t think we were a good match after all. Because of a semi-humorous incident with a puppy? No. The reason for his decision was that he realized I didn’t have a good sense of judgement.
Apparently getting a dog I’d been thinking about for two years and looking for a new place to live that wasn’t on a busy street was cause for alarm.
Then he went on a trip and I haven’t heard from him since.
So, I have the cutest puppy in the world who has successfully completed obedience training, and is housebroken. I live in a beautiful place where I can walk in the park whenever I want. I’ve also lost 20 lbs from walking the dog whenever she wants. And I’ve realized I don’t need or want no man.
The Professor, however, is still an ass.
Ugh. The day we single girls dread. Mine was going along mostly unnoticed. Got a couple heart emojis from friends. At 10pm, I’m ready to put this one to bed for another year. But then I get a text from a number I don’t recognize with a flower emoji and a Valentine’s greeting. Here’s a dilemma. Do I text back and hope I’ll have a memory jump start or do I admit ignorance? I did the latter. He tells me his name is Rich, we met online and talked quite awhile ago. Still nothing registers with me. Tells me where he’s from. Still nothing. Then he sends his pic. And… nothing! Granted I’m on 5 different dating sites, but I am very stingy when it comes to giving out my number. I’ve spent the last hour going through all my conversations on every site, but there is no Rich to be found. He asks if he can text me tomorrow. Well sure. Maybe something with come to me by then. I blame cupid.
I figured out how to get rid of a man. Cancel meeting him for dinner because you’re going to spend the evening contacting your government representatives and planning the next woman’s march.*
He wished me luck in all my future endeavors.
*In 20 years, I’m hoping this still makes sense. In case it doesn’t, this is in the wake of the Judge Kavanaugh hearing.
Catching up on some past date-a-drama. Gotta share this because it was so weird I’m still wondering if it really happened. On a first date with a dating site guy (first problem) who showed up drunk and immediately downed another very large beer (2nd problem) He struck up a conversation with a woman at the next table (with her husband). I’m not really sure how the next thing happened, but all of a sudden, the woman lifted up her shirt and flashed us (with no bra.)
This was on the patio of a fairly nice restaurant.
P.S. I fled as fast as I could, with the woman flashing me again over the patio rail as I ran to my car.
W. T. F.
POF detected that I was giving my phone number to a guy so he could text me. This popped up.
How caring of them.
Them I clicked “Safety Tips” to see what they had to say. Finally!!! Some real insightful advice:
And it goes on …
You’d think this would be common sense. Not so much.
So that’s how to spot a scammer. I thought I should offer some of my own useful tips I’ve learned from experience:
Hot to Spot a D-Bag
- To make sure you know he’s cool, he tells you he will arrive in a red pick-up. With a gun rack and dually tires.
- Asks if you’ve run a background check on him yet. Sighs with relief when you say no.
- Cackles maniacly at the movie. During the slasher scenes.
- Refuses to consume anything at the restaurant, including water. Because “you know it’s all tainted.” Then welcomes you to order what you would like.
- Wants to meet during work hours, near where you live, and as far from his house/office as possible.
- Asks in a hushed voice if you are “working for them.”
“You’re catalog shopping,” said my sister. “I don’t like having important things show up on my doorstep. I like to go to the store and see them in person before letting them into my house.”
I was talking to her about my recent almost-tongue-in-cheek profile update you can read about 3 posts down from this one.
My profile update was meant to be humorous, but also a clever way to weed out responses from men who had no sense of humor or intelligence, or did not read profiles before reaching out. I’ve gotten a record number of responses from three of the four dating sites on which it was posted. Most of them still consist of nothing more than a comment on my appearance. Half of those turn out to be a humorous response (although it’s not always apparent until I respond with “lol.”) A relatively good number of responses are witty, insightful, respectful of my “warnings.” In other words, I have proven that a lot of men, and probably women, don’t read profiles and reach out based on looks alone. The good news is, my experiment worked and I’ve connected with several quality men — more than in the past.
And so I’m doing a bit of an about face. As much as I love writing humor, I think it’s also important to also write more blatantly insightful things about the state of relationships in this e-dating world. From a self-serving standpoint, it will continues to help me cope with my own struggle. Stay tuned.